Calm down Rain Man and Just say THANK YOU!

Both Brian and I have been struggling a little bit recently with sharing our story, not because we mind anyone knowing or hearing.  Some of you who have heard the whole story, know we probably error on the side of TOO MUCH information sometimes!

We are struggling a little, because we never want to seem like we are seeking attention, or taking advantage of anyone.  There has been such a HUGE outpouring of love and support, people offering up prayers and meals, and asking if they can share with other people who don't know us. (The answer is yes, please do share it with anyone you feel led to!) To be honest we are a little overwhelmed by it.  Blessed and humbled, but overwhelmed. 

Each time someone asks to drop off a meal, the exausted, overwhelmed, pregnant part of me screams: "HALLELUJAH,  one less thing to juggle today!" The OCD part of me, that somehow still holds stubbornly onto the idea that being super-mom IS possible whispers: "You know you COULD make dinner yourself!" 

I am logically aware that being "super-mom" is in-fact impossible, but still these conversations do play out in my head at times, along with other equally silly conversations like: "It's perfectly fine to eat the entire jar of Nutella, you are pregnant, plus it's made out of nuts, so it's good for you!" That conversation I have a lot with myself actually, and I have a feeling I'm going to be paying for it after this pregnancy is over!

We had this discussion after we came home from the oncologist the other day about whether accepting meals was even ok, since Brian isn't going to be having chemo.  It feels a little like when you go to the doctor and they ask you to rate your pain on a scale from 1 to 10. Sometimes I feel like accepting help, and especially asking for it, requires rating our need on a scale from 1 to 10. 

Where the disconnect comes in is here: In my head, it feels like asking for help or accepting help is only OK on days where our need is a 10.  On days when I feel like we are at a 10, it's easy to talk myself down to like an 8 or a 9 and even then, I could think of 50 people more deserving or in need than we are.  What people are showing us through this time is that sometimes it's OK to accept help when we are at a 6 or a 7, or maybe even some days a 4.  

Maybe, the point is not if we are in the deepest need of our life. Maybe the point is that regardless of what we walk through 1 or 10, God knows and sees.  Because he loves us, He places these amazing people in our life who could care less what our number is, they are just happy drop a meal off at our front door.  

I realized, that the first time we went through this cancer journey we largely did so without being involved in the body of Christ.  We had our family and people who loved us and took care of us as much as we would allow (which I will admit was VERY little!), but we missed out on what it means to do life with other people.  

What we are learning now, is that doing life with other people is messy and it's humbling.  It's forcing us to lean into God.  To trust that maybe part the good He will bring out of this is to change us, to teach us how to accept help, with gratitude and thankfulness and NO guilt!

I love to watch extreme makeover home edition, but EVERY time I watch my thought is the very same: How do you ever say Thank You enough for something like that?  My good friend Vicki who is a wonderfully talented counselor, will have to help me work through this one later:  but it actually makes me feel really anxious just watching the people on TV try to say thank you.  It just doesn't feel like enough! 

So, if you have offered, or brought us a meal, or plan on bringing us one in the future and you show up and our door and I start taking to you about why my day was not a 10, but at lunch it was an 8 and now we are only at a 3, and I start trying to apologize for having you come all they way over, you can know I'm not crazy. In my own feeble way, what I'm trying to say is: Thank You!  

We feel humbled and a little undeserving of the outpouring of support and love.  We are still working through the overwhelming-ness of getting to experience first hand, what happens when people who love Jesus take seriously what he said and love their neighbors!